


A Buffyverse Alphabet

by Shadowscast



Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Gen, Humor, Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-01-05
Updated: 2009-01-05
Packaged: 2017-10-08 01:19:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/71227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowscast/pseuds/Shadowscast
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the style of Edward Gorey's Gashlycrumb Tinies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Buffyverse Alphabet

A is for Anya, who died being brave.  
B is for Buffy, crawled out of her grave.  
C's for Cordelia, gave birth to a god.  
D is for Darla, whose birth plan was flawed.  
E is for Eve, who was dead from the First.  
F is for Fred, whose fate was much worse.  
G is for Gunn, who put up a brave fight.  
H is for Harmony, who succumbed to a bite.  
I is for Illyria, gone to dust.  
J is for Jonathan and his misplaced trust.  
K's for Katrina, clubbed in the head.  
L is for Lilah, still scheming, but dead.  
M is for Merrick, a wound in his throat.  
N is for Nikki, who had a nice coat.  
O is for Olaf, turned into a troll.  
P's for Principal Snyder, gobbled up whole.  
Q is for Quentin, who got blown up.  
R is for Rack, who was drained like a cup.  
S is for Spike, burned up on the spot.  
T is for Tara, killed by a stray shot.  
U is for Underwood, Cecily, finally slain by D'Hoffryn.  
V's for Veruca, who did not rate a coffin.  
W is for Warren, who was flayed (it was gory).  
X is for Xin Rong. Tell her mother she's sorry.  
Y's for all the young kids watching Smile Time in arenas.  
Z's for the zookeeper, munched by hyenas.

**Author's Note:**

> Not that anybody's asked, but I thought a few of the letters in the Buffyverse Alphabet could use a bit of explanation.
> 
> E: In case you didn't get the, er, pun—this refers to Eve the Potential, who was killed by minions of the First Evil before she ever arrived at Buffy's house (as opposed to Eve from Wolfram &amp; Hart).
> 
> K: Katrina was Warren's ex-girlfriend, who he killed (sort of accidentally) when he hit her in the head with a bottle. Kendra might have been a better choice for K, but I thought of Katrina first for some reason.
> 
> M: This refers to Buffy's first Watcher, from movie canon. (And not from the comic version, in which apparently he shot himself instead of being killed by the vampire. But I couldn't find a way to make "shot himself" rhyme with "coat.")
> 
> S &amp; T: I just want to say, it is very sad that "amulet" and "bullet" don't actually rhyme.
> 
> U &amp; V: I don't think I rose to the challenge of these letters very well. The only "U" I could find in the series was Cecily's implied last name from that one flashback, and then since Cecily didn't actually have a grisly death but Halfrek did, I had to make the Cecily=Halfrek connection ... and that was a lot to fit into one short line. Also I would've liked Veruca's line to be more specific to her manner of death, but, agh. I couldn't manage it.
> 
> X: Xin Rong is the name of the Chinese Slayer that Spike killed, according to the tie-in comics (or rather, according to the Wikipedia article which cites the tie-in comics—I haven't read that comic myself). It was funny to do a Buffy alphabet and not use Xander for X, but again, my theme here was grisly death!
> 
> Y: Okay, Y was weak. Really weak. Um, it makes slightly more sense in the context of the Shadow Puppets tie-in comic, in which Smile Time did actually put on an arena show. The kids didn't die, though, which means it doesn't really fit in this alphabet. But Y was damned hard, and I needed to rhyme with "hyenas"!
> 
> Z: I'm rather proud of Z, actually.
> 
> * * *
> 
> This poem has been podficced by reena_jenkins! You can find the audio file here:
> 
> <http://reena-jenkins.livejournal.com/54157.html>


End file.
